Sorry to disappoint, kids, but this blog article, the very first of 2021, has nothing to do with hooking up with some rando (i.e. “strange”) from a local bar, bathhouse, or Craigslist. You know, COVID and all. But, also, I’m happily off the market. Besides, I was never really into that type of scene, anyway—regardless of who you may talk to later. I always preferred to get to know a guy before allowing things to turn intimate. Well, I’d at least learn his first name (in almost all cases) and tax bracket before taking that next step. What can I say? With me, there is usually slash rarely a touch of class.
Today, however, I want to talk about a different type of strange—strange in the form of change. Thank you, David Bowie.
Here’s the thing about change: Some people embrace change. Some people scurry away from change. Some people love finding change in their pockets. Okay, fine! Now that I’ve mastered my dad body, I can openly admit it’s time to work on my dad jokes. My apologies.
One more thing about change, though: It’s consistent. Perhaps the most consistent thing in our lives. So, if change is so consistent, so constant, why are we so afraid of it?
Because it’s hard! Hard as fuck sometimes, right? We can spend a substantial amount of time and effort working towards a goal, believing in something/someone, expecting or hoping for a certain outcome, only for a change of some sort to come flying out of nowhere like a bat out of hell, leading to disappointment . . . or heartache, defeat, confusion, uncertainty. You get the idea.
But, it is possible for change to be good. Dare I even say it? Change can often yield better results than we ever could have imagined.
You’re familiar with the popular saying: When the front door closes, the back door opens and . . . Okay, fine! I obviously need to work on my gay jokes, too. Yet, you know what I’m talking about, don’t you? The verbiage created to make us all see the positive side of change versus the negative side. Lines like one thing ends or falls apart so an even better thing can begin. I’ll admit that the actual phrase is a little more poetic than that. Regardless, you get my point.
And, you know what else? Sometimes these inspirational (though hokey pokey) quotes are true. When something ends or doesn’t work out exactly as we had planned or hoped it to (i.e. due to a change of some kind), it’s because a greater plan is in the works.
All right, enough uplifting shit for one post; I’m starting to annoy myself. However, when it comes to change, I do think it’s important, even beneficial, to focus on the good aspects of it—when possible (obviously, every situation is different). You know, the shiny and new components of change.
For example, a best friend moving thousands of miles away simply gives me a reason to travel and explore a new area. Changing publishers or literary agents presents an opportunity to work with new people and take my career in a new direction. (Yes, I’m well aware of the fact that in order to change agents, I first need an agent. Do you know any looking for new clients?) McDonald’s changing the size of the Big Mac (yes, it’s gotten smaller over the years) . . . Well, to be perfectly honest, no good came from that change.
Change, like so many other elements in life, is all about perspective. Seeing the good instead of the bad, the sun instead of the rain (except, I love a good rainstorm from time to time), and, fine, I’ll say it: seeing the glass as half full instead of half empty.
Again, I’m well aware that these mantras don’t work all of the time. Yet, a lot of times they do work. Believe it or not, it is so much easier to focus on the good and be happy versus the bad and be negative.
Do you remember what I told you previously, a few blog articles ago? Negativity causes wrinkles. Do you want wrinkles? No, ma’am!
Another famous line about change: People don’t change, or people never change, or people can’t change, et cetera. I’ve grown to hate this mentality; it’s bullshit. People change all of the time. Maybe not always for the better, and maybe not drastically or extremely noticeably, but people do change.
Of course, in order for someone to change, a person has to want to change, has to willingly put in the time, effort, and work to change. Yet, change is possible, even common. You’ve changed. I’ve changed. Sarah Jessica Parker has changed. She continuously gets more and more fabulous.
I mean, I used to be obsessed with social media, constantly scrolling, scrolling, scrolling and posting. Now, I absolutely hate it—all platforms. I used to be a major party boy, always searching for some sort of action on a Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday night. I used to want to be famous. I craved it. Now, I just want to be left the hell alone, in my own little world, with my books and snacks.
Last week, I wrote about growth. It’s true: change and growth go hand-in-hand. And, in order to grow, change has to occur. Sure, some people don’t change, meaning they don’t grow. They stay the same. This is unfortunate because I’ve met a lot of people, and a change could do most of them some good.
I’m not saying change/growth is easy or that it doesn’t hurt (they don’t call it growing pains for nothing), but if we’re open to it and embrace it, who knows what possibilities await us?
Again, when people change, it’s not always for the better. Specifically, some people change for the worst. This can be upsetting, disappointing, heartbreaking, but it’s also a type of change we have to be ready for. A type of change that we have to accept, no matter how difficult.
After all, the thing about change—good, bad, ugly—is that it’s consistent and constant. Fighting change will only lead to more disappointment and more heartbreak.
If you can, when it’s possible, try to see the positive aspects of change. Something in your life may change, someone in your life may change, but those changes can lead to greatness . . . if you allow them to.
If you keep an open mind and an open heart.