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You are here: Home / Advice / This Is How We Learn

This Is How We Learn

December 30, 2020 By Cutter Slagle Leave a Comment

Recently, a friend told me that I was the gay, male version of Taylor Swift. I agreed, we laughed, and then both promptly ordered another round of mimosas.

Okay, that’s not entirely true. This bitch is currently off the sauce—six months and counting. We’ll see how long sobriety lasts, because in these dark and trying times (yes, I’m referring to all of the excess holiday weight I’ve gained), nothing quite comforts me like eighteen dirty martinis.

Anyway, I’m not exactly sure what my friend and I ordered another round of, but it’s a safe bet that it was something deep-fried. Me likes my breading. That’s just the cold, hard truth.

Another cold, hard truth: I started out intending to use this new blog article to bitch about men. Like Ms. Swift, I planned to bi—er—write about the men in my life. Men from my past, men from my present, men who annoy me on social media. You get the idea. As it turns out, I do share some similarities with Tay Tay. I just wish those similarities also included her accolades and net worth.

Instead, I want to use my platform (for today, anyway) and what will be my last piece of original content for 2020 to discuss a very important topic—my most favorite topic of all: me.

I’m kidding! Well, kind of.

Rather than simply write about the men in my life or my specific experiences with men—and there have been some doozies—I want to take a look at my part in various situations. After all, it’s my life, which means I hold some responsibility and control for what happens.

Don’t worry, though. I’m sure I’ll make time and room to complain about something and/or someone. You know how I do. I mean, it’s not really a Cutter Slagle blog or a Taylor Swift song if something/someone isn’t getting called out. Maybe that’s just the writer in us.

As a writer, I’m always thinking. No, that’s not accurate, and some of you are probably even laughing right now. But, as a writer, my mind is always wondering. Contemplating, considering, calculating. (How do you like that alliteration?) And while thinking lately, I came up with a realization I hadn’t paid much attention to before . . .

All of my experiences—good, bad, ugly, illegal—have one factor in common: Me.

Every time I’ve been disappointed or angry or heartbroken or disgusted or anything, I’ve played a part in the events that unfolded. Further, everything that has happened to me has happened as a direct result of a decision I made.

For example, I made the decision to drink and drive ten years ago, and as a result, I totaled my car. I made the decision to stay in a shithole relationship three years ago, and as a result, I got my heart broken (welcome back to our regularly scheduled programming; I told you it wouldn’t be long). I made the decision to eat my weight in holiday sweets this year, and as a result, my socks don’t even fit me anymore.

Decisions. We make decisions every single day. When it comes to making these decisions, the options we have to choose from may not always be enticing, but we still have to make a choice—even if it’s choosing between the lesser of two evils. Though making a decision (of any kind) can often be hard, even painful, or seemingly impossible, it is also the only way we significantly learn.

Back in March 2019, I wrote a blog article about tests and lessons. Basically, it doesn’t matter how old we are, tests and lessons will always be a part of our lives. Hopefully, anyway. The same can be said for learning. If we’re lucky, we will never stop learning, regardless of our age.

At first, coming to this idea (with my therapist, I can’t take all of the credit) promptly made me think, “What the fuck?” You see, I hate learning. My brain is at full capacity. I don’t have room for any additional information. That was until I saw (or, my therapist made me see) the obvious: The day we stop learning, is the day we stop living.

And, I think one thing we can all agree on, is that learning doesn’t just help us live, but also helps us grow.

Two things we can all agree on: Gerald Butler needs to do more full-frontal nudity in his films. Three things we can all agree on: 2020 has been a fickle fuck of a year where we have all had to learn something about ourselves.

What’s the most important thing I’ve learned about myself? Probably that I should always take inventory of my snacks before lighting a bowl. Actually, I learned that a while ago, but I’m the type of person who usually has to learn something eighty-seven times before it sticks.

All joking aside, I learned that I am in control of my thoughts, my actions, my feelings, my decisions . . . my life. I am in control of my life.

And, for fuck’s sake, let’s not even go down that COVID-19 path where some dirty, toothless, Billy Small Willy Bob spouts off some incoherent ramble, like, “Der, we didn’t have no control of our lives ‘cause of those there masks we has to wear.”

We do always have some sort of control over our lives. We do always have some sort of control over our thoughts, our actions, our feelings, our decisions . . . our lives.

Of course, in order for me to come to this conclusion, I had to learn several lessons. After all, the only way to live, to grow, to learn . . . is to experience.

How do you know you don’t enjoy spinach unless you try it? Though, to be completely frank, there is something I know for a fact I wouldn’t enjoy and I have never tried it—or plan to try it. Praise be!

But, the only way for us to know what we want, what we like, what we need, is to learn it. And, in order to learn these things, we have to put ourselves out there. We have to be willing to get hurt, make mistakes, take risks, look like a fool, be vulnerable. We have to be willing to win, lose, strikeout, fail.

And then, we have to learn to get back up and keep moving forward. To take the lesson(s) we’ve learned and use them as we continue on our journey.

I bet we’ve all learned strengths about ourselves this past year. We’ve all learned exactly what we’re capable of, what we’re willing to sacrifice or compromise on, what we want to make a stand for.

Most importantly, hopefully, we’ve learned to have faith in ourselves. We’ve also hopefully learned to trust ourselves, love ourselves, protect ourselves, be kind to ourselves, forgive ourselves, and remind ourselves that life goes on—but only if we want it to.

Only if we never stop learning.

 

Filed Under: Advice, Lessons Tagged With: 2020, COVID-19, Gerald Butler, growing, learning, lessons, LGBTQ blog, LGBTQ writer, LGBTQ writing, Life lessons, Love, patience, positive thoughts, rejection, resolutions, Taylor Swift, The Male Carrie Bradshaw, Thinking, Writing Community

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Feb 1

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Don't miss my February column in @ragemonthly — Out now! 
https://bit.ly/3l3MLBt

#TheMaleCarrieBradshaw 👨🏼‍💻

"Hope is essential, but it’s not enough. To just simply hope will almost always end in disappointment, and probably pretty quickly. In order for hope to work—truly work—we’ve got to work, and the work isn’t always easy. On the contrary, it can be fucking hard. Hope can only take us so far, then it’s up to us and the work we’ve done to finish the job."

sincerelycutter

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“If I’m not back in five minutes … just wait longer.” #AceVentura #AceVenturaPetDetective

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#NewBlogAlert🔥 — #LinkInBio or cutterslagle.com #TheMaleCarrieBradshaw 
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For the past year and a half, I’ve told myself and others that I’m on a journey of self-reflection, with the sole goal of becoming the absolute best version of myself. Yet, when I look back at my previous blog articles and Rage (how fitting is that name?) columns, I’m not so sure this is the case. Instead, I fear that I may be trying to project my feelings, beliefs, and hell, possibly even my insecurities onto anyone who bothers to read the sentences I string together.

The result? A sad, jaded, angry, and yes, bitter perspective of life.

sincerelycutter

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My #October column in @ragemonthly is out now! 👨🏼‍💻 https://bit.ly/3dV59tn 
#TheMaleCarrieBradshaw
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“After all, times are tough! Charles Dickens had it right when he wrote, ‘It was the worst of times.’ He, too, must have been searching for gay love. (As for the other half of that quote, the one that addresses the ‘best of times,’ well, I don’t know her.)”
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harlancoben Harlan Coben @harlancoben ·
February 1, 2023

Milestone: Don’t want to brag but today while writing I spelled the word “occasion” correctly for the first time.

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sincerelycutter Cutter Slagle @sincerelycutter ·
January 15, 2023

... I can take myself dancing, and I can hold my own hand.

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sincerelycutter Cutter Slagle @sincerelycutter ·
January 5, 2023

… it was maroon. ♥️

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sincerelycutter Cutter Slagle @sincerelycutter ·
October 26, 2022

#NewBlogAlert
https://cutterslagle.com/bye-bitter-bitch/

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sincerelycutter Cutter Slagle @sincerelycutter ·
October 24, 2022

Take the moment and taste it
You've got no reason to be afraid
You're on your own, kid
Yeah, you can face this

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Writer: Cutter Slagle

3 days ago

Writer: Cutter Slagle
Don't miss my February column in The Rage Monthly Magazine — Out now! #TheMaleCarrieBradshaw "Hope is essential, but it’s not enough. To just simply hope will almost always end in disappointment, and probably pretty quickly. In order for hope to work—truly work—we’ve got to work, and the work isn’t always easy. On the contrary, it can be fucking hard. Hope can only take us so far, then it’s up to us and the work we’ve done to finish the job." ... See MoreSee Less

RAGE MONTHLY MAGAZINE

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Valentine's Day Queer-ish Gift Guide, Mean Girls the Musical, Gay Romantic OF AN AGE, Jeremy McQueen Black Iris Project
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“… sometimes you find your way to the place that wants you most.” ... See MoreSee Less

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3 months ago

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But I was realizing that everyone does go on. You get up. You have breakfast. You go to work. You do your job. You come home, have some dinner, go to bed. Just like everybody else. But it's always there. You go on, but you don't go on. Because there's this weight, and you can feel it all the time, like you've got a cinder block sitting on each shoulder, pushing you down, wearing you out, making you wonder whether you'll be able to get up the next day. And son of a bitch, you do get up. That day, and the day after, and the day after that. With those blocks on your shoulders. Always there. ... See MoreSee Less

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Bye, Bitter Bitch

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Oftentimes, it can be difficult to shake feelings of bitterness and anger. During these times, it's important to focus on what we can control and change.
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3 months ago

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Take the moment and taste itYou've got no reason to be afraid You're on your own, kid Yeah, you can face this🎶🎶🎶 ... See MoreSee Less
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