Cutter Slagle

  • About
  • Books
  • Contact
  • Subscribe
You are here: Home / Lessons / Eat, Pray, Love—Then Eat Again

Eat, Pray, Love—Then Eat Again

August 22, 2021 By Cutter Slagle Leave a Comment

Back in May, I lit a match to my life. Things weren’t working out; I wasn’t happy. Change, though terrifying to consider and actually follow through with, seemed not only necessary but vital for my emotional and mental survival. As a result, I’ve been called everything from a pussy to a motherfucker to courageous for taking charge of my life and—as my cousin would say—hitting the reset button.

Am I running? Am I moving forward? Who the fuck knows? Not me, not yet. Probably not any time soon, either.

You see, I’ve been traveling. Ohio. New Jersey. New York City. Florida. Nashville. Delaware next, followed by Seattle. Then most likely back to New York, maybe even Denver. And then? I’m not sure. San Diego, perhaps? Maybe I am running. Maybe I’m afraid of sitting still. If I sit still for too long, I think I’ll go crazy.

As cliché as it may sound, I’m trying to find myself. I feel lost, have felt lost for a while, and need to discover where I belong and where home truly is. In short, I’m doing that eat, pray, love thing. Unfortunately, I’ve only gotten the “eat” part down. I’ve also referred to this period as my “Not-Yet-Midlife Crisis Book Tour,” even though I don’t currently have a book to promote. The only thing I’m trying to promote right now is self-awareness.

I thought I could be a nomad, live out of a suitcase, discover things about myself that I’ve yet to learn. See friends and new places, pursue unknown experiences.

What I’ve learned is that I like structure and roots and routine. I like consistency. I want consistency with someone. With a soul mate. I want to be married and boring and write books and have a partner-in-crime to go on adventures with, even if that adventure is something as mundane as a trip to the local grocery store.

I’ve also learned that I really like therapy. Specifically, I like paying someone to tell me what’s wrong with me. What a brilliant concept, right? Additionally, I’ve discovered that I enjoy journaling, meditating, and boxing. Who knows? I may just surprise all of you one day and turn out butch. Yeah, it’s very doubtful.

Over the past few months, one of the most important lessons I’ve learned, though, is how essential self-reflection is to grow and work on yourself. Further, self-reflection is imperative if you want to improve or better yourself. And I do. I always do.

It was through self-reflection and a vulnerable conversation with my best friend that I came to the understanding of how jaded and judgmental I’ve been lately.

Let’s be clear about something: jade and judge ain’t a good look on anybody! I can admit when I’m wrong, though. . . And it seems that I’ve been oh, so wrong.

I’ve always considered myself to be very open-minded. Still do. Except, I’m not so sure someone can be open-minded and judgmental. In all honestly, I think I’ve become judgmental towards people who have different viewpoints than me, especially regarding porn, Only Fans, social media, and open relationships.

Now, I can blame past encounters—failed relationships—on this judgment that has eaten me like a ravenous cancer. It’s true, too. I believe that the pain and suffering I’ve endured in my love life has shaped my perspective on certain things. However, that doesn’t make any of it right. Effie, we all got pain. That doesn’t give anyone a free pass to look down on how others are choosing to live their lives and do what they want to do with their bodies.

This is a hard fucking pill for me to swallow, but just because I disagree with something, doesn’t make it wrong. Why can’t I master this lesson? Because of my past? Because of what I’ve experienced in my love life. Again, I’m not making excuses, but trying to learn.

Trying to be more self-aware.

It’s through this journey of self-awareness and assistance of valuable tools (therapy, good friends, vulnerable conversations, travel, and a little boxing) that I’m learning my anger or disgust or resentment has been pointed at the wrong target. My issue isn’t with Only Fans, excessive porn (especially amateur porn on Twitter made by local people you can access on any given day), social media addicts, and open relationships.

Well, that isn’t my real issue. I’m beginning to recognize that my real issue is not wanting a partner who has to constantly be plugged into that kind of content. I don’t mesh well with someone who wants to have that type of life.

What a revelation!

Am I threatened by this sex-craved, attention-seeking community? Do I think it’s harder to find a partner in today’s world? And, God willing, once I find a partner, am I fearful that I’ll lose him to the dark side of Only Fans, Twitter, social media, porn, etc.?

Yes, yes, and yes!

However, I know now that I need to stop worrying about what everyone else is doing and only worry about me, my wants and goals. And only when I’m truly happy with myself and know who I am and what I want and expect, can I genuinely find the same with someone else.

I need to stop judging, stop criticizing, stop misdirecting my anger and frustration, and simply surround myself with like-minded people. Find a partner who has the same values as me, the same expectations, the same goals for the future. After all, we get to choose who we surround ourselves with, don’t we? That’s one of the beauties about growing up, getting older.

Still, I can’t help but wonder . . . Would it be easier to find a partner without the chaos of social media, myriad hookup apps, and immediate access to porn? It doesn’t matter; these things aren’t going anywhere. I might as well stop wasting my time and energy on things I can’t change or control. The only thing I can change and control is myself.

I fear I’ve painted myself as this crazy, obsessive, pessimistic, prude. Maybe it’s time to relax and just have fun again. Not take the whole thing so seriously.

This is my apology for being such a judgmental cu—bitch. My approach to so many things has been wrong lately. To each their own. I may not have to agree with what someone else does—or even like or understand it—but I should still be open-minded enough to respect that person and respect that different people have different lives, different motives, different wants, different needs, different opportunities . . . just differences.

And that’s perfectly okay. It’s not always about me. In fact, it has nothing to do with me.

We’ll just call this blog article the “prayer” portion of my journey.

So, I’ve now eaten (a few times), prayed, and eventually—with time, patience, and more self-awareness—will get the “love” part down.

Filed Under: Lessons Tagged With: addiction, attention, Gay Lifestyle, LGBTQ blog, LGBTQ writer, LGBTQ writing, Life lessons, Love, patience, Porn, relationships, Self-respect, Social Media, The Male Carrie Bradshaw, Toxic Gay Lifestyle, Writing Community

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

sincerelycutter

View

Feb 1

Open
Don't miss my February column in @ragemonthly — Out now! 
https://bit.ly/3l3MLBt

#TheMaleCarrieBradshaw 👨🏼‍💻

"Hope is essential, but it’s not enough. To just simply hope will almost always end in disappointment, and probably pretty quickly. In order for hope to work—truly work—we’ve got to work, and the work isn’t always easy. On the contrary, it can be fucking hard. Hope can only take us so far, then it’s up to us and the work we’ve done to finish the job."

sincerelycutter

View

Oct 30

Open
“If I’m not back in five minutes … just wait longer.” #AceVentura #AceVenturaPetDetective

sincerelycutter

View

Oct 26

Open
#NewBlogAlert🔥 — #LinkInBio or cutterslagle.com #TheMaleCarrieBradshaw 
▪️
▪️
▪️
For the past year and a half, I’ve told myself and others that I’m on a journey of self-reflection, with the sole goal of becoming the absolute best version of myself. Yet, when I look back at my previous blog articles and Rage (how fitting is that name?) columns, I’m not so sure this is the case. Instead, I fear that I may be trying to project my feelings, beliefs, and hell, possibly even my insecurities onto anyone who bothers to read the sentences I string together.

The result? A sad, jaded, angry, and yes, bitter perspective of life.

sincerelycutter

View

Oct 2

Open
My #October column in @ragemonthly is out now! 👨🏼‍💻 https://bit.ly/3dV59tn 
#TheMaleCarrieBradshaw
.
.
.
.
.
“After all, times are tough! Charles Dickens had it right when he wrote, ‘It was the worst of times.’ He, too, must have been searching for gay love. (As for the other half of that quote, the one that addresses the ‘best of times,’ well, I don’t know her.)”
.
.
.
.
.
#LGBTQWriter #Column #Columnist #GayColumn #GayWriter #WritingAboutRelationships #GayDatingProblems
Follow on Instagram

Cutter Slagle Follow

sincerelycutter
harlancoben Harlan Coben @harlancoben ·
February 1, 2023

Milestone: Don’t want to brag but today while writing I spelled the word “occasion” correctly for the first time.

Reply on Twitter 1620885395096600576 Retweet on Twitter 1620885395096600576 64 Like on Twitter 1620885395096600576 4490 Twitter 1620885395096600576
sincerelycutter Cutter Slagle @sincerelycutter ·
January 15, 2023

... I can take myself dancing, and I can hold my own hand.

Reply on Twitter 1614506971939635201 Retweet on Twitter 1614506971939635201 Like on Twitter 1614506971939635201 Twitter 1614506971939635201
sincerelycutter Cutter Slagle @sincerelycutter ·
January 5, 2023

… it was maroon. ♥️

Reply on Twitter 1611017000876220417 Retweet on Twitter 1611017000876220417 Like on Twitter 1611017000876220417 1 Twitter 1611017000876220417
sincerelycutter Cutter Slagle @sincerelycutter ·
October 26, 2022

#NewBlogAlert
https://cutterslagle.com/bye-bitter-bitch/

Reply on Twitter 1585093486730436614 Retweet on Twitter 1585093486730436614 2 Like on Twitter 1585093486730436614 3 Twitter 1585093486730436614
sincerelycutter Cutter Slagle @sincerelycutter ·
October 24, 2022

Take the moment and taste it
You've got no reason to be afraid
You're on your own, kid
Yeah, you can face this

Reply on Twitter 1584612125867057153 Retweet on Twitter 1584612125867057153 Like on Twitter 1584612125867057153 1 Twitter 1584612125867057153
Writer: Cutter Slagle

3 days ago

Writer: Cutter Slagle
Don't miss my February column in The Rage Monthly Magazine — Out now! #TheMaleCarrieBradshaw "Hope is essential, but it’s not enough. To just simply hope will almost always end in disappointment, and probably pretty quickly. In order for hope to work—truly work—we’ve got to work, and the work isn’t always easy. On the contrary, it can be fucking hard. Hope can only take us so far, then it’s up to us and the work we’ve done to finish the job." ... See MoreSee Less

RAGE MONTHLY MAGAZINE

heyzine.com

Valentine's Day Queer-ish Gift Guide, Mean Girls the Musical, Gay Romantic OF AN AGE, Jeremy McQueen Black Iris Project
View on Facebook
· Share

Share on Facebook Share on Twitter Share on Linked In Share by Email

Writer: Cutter Slagle

3 months ago

Writer: Cutter Slagle
“… sometimes you find your way to the place that wants you most.” ... See MoreSee Less

Photo

View on Facebook
· Share

Share on Facebook Share on Twitter Share on Linked In Share by Email

Writer: Cutter Slagle

3 months ago

Writer: Cutter Slagle
But I was realizing that everyone does go on. You get up. You have breakfast. You go to work. You do your job. You come home, have some dinner, go to bed. Just like everybody else. But it's always there. You go on, but you don't go on. Because there's this weight, and you can feel it all the time, like you've got a cinder block sitting on each shoulder, pushing you down, wearing you out, making you wonder whether you'll be able to get up the next day. And son of a bitch, you do get up. That day, and the day after, and the day after that. With those blocks on your shoulders. Always there. ... See MoreSee Less

Photo

View on Facebook
· Share

Share on Facebook Share on Twitter Share on Linked In Share by Email

Writer: Cutter Slagle

3 months ago

Writer: Cutter Slagle
#NewBlogAlert #TheMaleCarrieBradshaw ... See MoreSee Less

Bye, Bitter Bitch

cutterslagle.com

Oftentimes, it can be difficult to shake feelings of bitterness and anger. During these times, it's important to focus on what we can control and change.
View on Facebook
· Share

Share on Facebook Share on Twitter Share on Linked In Share by Email

Writer: Cutter Slagle

3 months ago

Writer: Cutter Slagle
Take the moment and taste itYou've got no reason to be afraid You're on your own, kid Yeah, you can face this🎶🎶🎶 ... See MoreSee Less
View on Facebook
· Share

Share on Facebook Share on Twitter Share on Linked In Share by Email

Popular Posts

Sex Sells . . . Your Self-Respect

Bye, Bitter Bitch

Putting The Cock In Cocky

© Copyright 2019 Cutter Slagle · All Rights Reserved · Powered by WordPress · Admin

Copyright © 2023 · Simply Pro on Genesis Framework · WordPress · Log in