I have a problem. Insert joke, right? Because, as we all know (those who stay up to date with my blog and column, anyway), I have more than just a problem. However, the problem I have today, the problem I’m facing this Sunday morning, is—go figure—the gay community. Last fall, I wrote an article on how disappointed I am in the gay community. Well, plot twist, the gay community is still disappointing and disheartening. Or, to be blunt, the gay community is STILL fucked. Let's have an open chat because I'm genuinely curious about something: What is the appeal of posting pictures of . . .
Recently, a friend told me that I was the gay, male version of Taylor Swift. I agreed, we laughed, and then both promptly ordered another round of mimosas. Okay, that’s not entirely true. This bitch is currently off the sauce—six months and counting. We’ll see how long sobriety lasts, because in these dark and trying times (yes, I’m referring to all of the excess holiday weight I’ve gained), nothing quite comforts me like eighteen dirty martinis. Anyway, I’m not exactly sure what my friend and I ordered another round of, but it’s a safe bet that it was something deep-fried. Me likes my . . .
Recently, I looked back at it . . . I mean, I looked back at my website and took inventory of my latest blog articles. From titles alone, I seem like a bitter, angry, scorned, shrill (enter your favorite adjective) bitch. And, despite what you may think you know about me, I don’t want to be any of those things. Further, I don’t ever want to be thought of as cynical or negative. If 2020 has taught us anything, it’s that life is precious. Not always easy, not always fun, but it beats the alternative. Therefore, we need to enjoy as much of it as we can. Instead of complaining about every foul . . .
Turns out, there’s more than one meaning to Cardi B’s latest hit, WAP. While her lyrics are quite impressive and fun to rap along to (I spent an entire workday last week trying to learn all of the words), I much prefer the song’s alternative message . . . which I just made up: WAP, or work and patience. Anyone reading this most likely already knows the secret to a happy, successful life: work and patience. Unfortunately, I always seem to get to the party a little late, and then I’m often immediately asked to leave. Therefore, it has taken me a little bit of time—fine, a long ass time—to . . .
I can’t believe I’m writing this blog article. I can’t believe it’s necessary for me to write this blog article. Yet, here we are: sipping on hard seltzers and gossiping about sex, love, relationships, and the gay community. Fascinating stuff, really. Cue the eye roll. I partly blame myself. If you’re new to my work, shame on you. I wrote an article last year: “Be Careful What You Wish For.” Apparently, though, I didn’t read it. Too many times I’ve wished for a life similar to Carrie Bradshaw’s. Hell, I even refer to myself as “the male Carrie Bradshaw.” So, here we are: drinking hard . . .