Cutter Slagle

  • About
  • Books
  • Contact
  • Subscribe
You are here: Home / Advice / Bye, Bitter Bitch

Bye, Bitter Bitch

October 25, 2022 By Cutter Slagle 2 Comments

I recently had coffee with someone special to me, and it was during this visit that he kindly alluded to the idea that my recent writings, while good and accurate (thank you very much), could be a little off-putting to other readers. My mother wasn’t so kind or subtle when she texted me, stating I’d become bitter and wanted to know what was going on with me. Life, Mom. That’s what’s going on with me. Life, and it can be really fucking hard to navigate at times.

I immediately reached out to my best friend, asking if she, too, thought I was bitter. I knew she wouldn’t lie to me. Further, she’d enjoy telling me if I was in any way acting “off.” Or, to put it more bluntly, if I was acting like a big, bitter bitch. She disagreed, believing that I’m not bitter, but commented that she doesn’t believe I’m happy.

My response: Who in the hell is happy?

Yes, I’m well aware that that is a very bitter thing to say–er, ask.

So now, I guess I need to ask myself that same question I asked my best friend and be completely honest when I answer it: Am I bitter?

I’m not sure. I don’t think I am, but I know without a doubt that I don’t want to be.

For the past year and a half, I’ve told myself and others that I’m on a journey of self-reflection, with the sole goal of becoming the absolute best version of myself. Yet, when I look back at my previous blog articles and Rage (how fitting) columns, I’m not so sure this is the case. Instead, I fear that I may be trying to project my feelings, beliefs, and hell, possibly even my insecurities onto anyone who bothers to read the sentences I string together.

The result? A sad, jaded, angry, and yes, bitter perspective of life.

Oh, my God! Could my mom be right? I hate when that happens, but the truth hurts–especially when it’s coming from your parent.

So, I ask myself again: Am I bitter?

Unfortunately, if I’m being truthful, I think I am.

Okay, so I can agree that I’m bitter. Now, I have to discover why I’m bitter, learn how to correct the issue, and then grow from the experience. Apparently, simply seeing a therapist weekly isn’t enough; you actually have to do work. Who knew?

In case you don’t already know, I love mysteries. I’ve had two, full-length mystery novels professionally published, written a third that is collecting dust on my hard drive (any literary agents reading this?), and slowly piecing together a fourth. I also read a lot of crime fiction books.

My point: Solving the mystery of why I’m so bitter isn’t going to require the assistance of Sherlock Holmes. The mystery has already been solved. Case closed. Though, I may need help with a different, completely related riddle: What have I hoped to accomplish with my recent writings? I know why I’ve written the content, but what’s been my overall goal for putting it out into the world?

Did I just want to get my point of view across? If so, mission accomplished! Most people fully know where I stand on certain topics, mainly those dealing with gay relationships.

Did my motivation go deeper than that? Did I want to change people’s minds, get them to agree with my opinions, tell me how right I am? As if I have that much power. Also, I hope I’m not truly that narcissistic.

Did I want to play the victim? Have people feel sorry for me because I, like so many others, have had to heal from a broken heart? Did I want revenge? Do I want revenge?

If you’re paying close enough attention, it’s interesting how the universe sometimes gives you exactly what you need, when you need it. I stumbled onto a Vogue article written by Jessica Knoll. It was exactly what I needed, and I found it exactly when I needed it.

For me, the title said it all: “I Wanted Revenge. What I Got Was Better.”

Knoll is the New York Times bestselling author of Luckiest Girl Alive. She also wrote the screenplay for the Netflix adaptation starring Mila Kunis. I haven’t seen the movie, but I did read the book a few years ago.

I don’t want to spoil the book (or movie) or article, which I highly recommend reading, but I will say that the latter definitely resonated with me. Please don’t misconstrue my words; in no way, shape, or form am I comparing Knoll’s trauma to my own. Still, I was able to find a connection between Knoll’s feelings and my own, particularly with the following passage:

“ . . . admitting, after many years of insisting that I was fine, that I was not fine at all . . . I had no idea how much work it would take to finally begin the long, overdue process of healing.”

For me, I thought healing came with an expiration date. Plot twist, it doesn’t.

Additionally, I instantly connected with her anger. Some of you may be rolling your eyes, wondering why I’m so angry nearly a year and a half later, after my own version of a traumatic experience came to a head, but it’s the truth. It’s my truth. The only way I can move forward is to admit the truth, accept it, and use the tools I’ve been collecting for the past 18 months to create a new truth.

One of those tools is the Serenity Prayer. I say it often, but maybe not enough. I don’t think it has fully clicked. Obviously, I’m struggling with accepting the things I cannot change. So, for now, I think I need to focus on what I can change, which is clearly my bitterness and my anger (close relatives, if you ask me). As I stated earlier, I don’t want to be bitter. I don’t want to be angry, either.

Towards the end of Knoll’s article, she says, “I stopped expecting everyone to be plugged into my trauma by my exacting standards.” And later, “The kind of person who wants revenge is the kind of person who has no other recourse.”

I realize now, and hopefully not too late, that I have plenty of other recourses. More importantly, I know in my bones that it’s time for a new narrative. I made it through a toxic situation; there’s no reason to hang on to it or constantly relive it. Do I want to remember that situation and learn from it? Absolutely. But I don’t want it to define me.

That is something I can control. That is something I can change.

I can’t control or change other people’s views. I can’t expect anyone to change their stance on any given issue just because I’ve personally been harmed by it.

I’m going to do my best to not only remember this but also practice it. Life is too short to be bitter and angry, especially about something that I cannot change.

I understand that I’ve made a declaration like this before, and I’m going to keep on making it until I’ve mastered it. After all, I’m a work in progress. We all are.

Filed Under: Advice, Lessons Tagged With: change, Fiction Writer, gay community, gay culture, LGBTQ blog, LGBTQ writer, Life lessons, positive thoughts, relationships, Serenity Prayer, The Male Carrie Bradshaw, Writing Community

Comments

  1. Bryan says

    October 25, 2022 at 5:20 pm

    Nicely said! We are all a work in progress! You got this!

    Reply
  2. Heather Delair says

    November 2, 2022 at 5:03 pm

    THIS WAS SUCH A GREAT POST! HEALING ISN’T LINEAR. HALF THE BATTLE IS UNDERSTANDING THIS FACT. WHICH ISN’T ALWAYS EASY. MAKING MISTAKES IS ALL A PART OF HEALING AND GROWING. YOU GOT THIS!

    Reply

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

sincerelycutter

View

Mar 19

Open
“Never let anyone make you feel ordinary.”

sincerelycutter

View

Feb 9

Open
“When I decided to leave was when I learned and accepted that I can’t change people, I can’t save people, only love them. I can only change myself and my circumstances.” — @pamelaanderson

sincerelycutter

View

Feb 6

Open
#NewBlogAlert 🚨#LinkInBio or cutterslagle.com 🧑🏼‍💻 #TheMaleCarrieBradshaw 
▪️
Boundaries are important, and for all types of relationships, including the relationship you have with your mom, your partner, your best friend, and your favorite pizza delivery guy.
▪️
While exploring the idea of boundaries, I couldn’t help but think about a past fling of mine, Peter Rabbit. Peter Rabbit and I only saw each other for a couple of months. Our first date was classic: dinner, drinks, dancing, dick down. In that order. Oh, to be back in my twenties. Kidding! I’m extremely happy to have outgrown some behaviors of my youth.

sincerelycutter

View

Feb 1

Open
Don't miss my February column in @ragemonthly — Out now! 
https://bit.ly/3l3MLBt

#TheMaleCarrieBradshaw 👨🏼‍💻

"Hope is essential, but it’s not enough. To just simply hope will almost always end in disappointment, and probably pretty quickly. In order for hope to work—truly work—we’ve got to work, and the work isn’t always easy. On the contrary, it can be fucking hard. Hope can only take us so far, then it’s up to us and the work we’ve done to finish the job."
Follow on Instagram

Cutter Slagle Follow

sincerelycutter
sincerelycutter Cutter Slagle @sincerelycutter ·
February 6, 2023

#NewBlogAlert Teach Me How to Boundary
#LinkInBio #Blogging #BloggingCommunity #LGBTQBlogger

Reply on Twitter 1622711585033818112 Retweet on Twitter 1622711585033818112 Like on Twitter 1622711585033818112 Twitter 1622711585033818112
harlancoben Harlan Coben @harlancoben ·
February 1, 2023

Milestone: Don’t want to brag but today while writing I spelled the word “occasion” correctly for the first time.

Reply on Twitter 1620885395096600576 Retweet on Twitter 1620885395096600576 69 Like on Twitter 1620885395096600576 4510 Twitter 1620885395096600576
sincerelycutter Cutter Slagle @sincerelycutter ·
January 15, 2023

... I can take myself dancing, and I can hold my own hand.

Reply on Twitter 1614506971939635201 Retweet on Twitter 1614506971939635201 Like on Twitter 1614506971939635201 Twitter 1614506971939635201
sincerelycutter Cutter Slagle @sincerelycutter ·
January 5, 2023

… it was maroon. ♥️

Reply on Twitter 1611017000876220417 Retweet on Twitter 1611017000876220417 Like on Twitter 1611017000876220417 1 Twitter 1611017000876220417
sincerelycutter Cutter Slagle @sincerelycutter ·
October 26, 2022

#NewBlogAlert
https://cutterslagle.com/bye-bitter-bitch/

Reply on Twitter 1585093486730436614 Retweet on Twitter 1585093486730436614 2 Like on Twitter 1585093486730436614 3 Twitter 1585093486730436614
Writer: Cutter Slagle

4 weeks ago

Writer: Cutter Slagle
“ ‘I do enjoy my life,’ Steve said. ‘And my work. Maybe problems arise when you’re just too focused on the results. The joy is in the process, the trying. The pursuit.’ “ —Catherine Ryan Howard, Run Time#MondayMotivate ... See MoreSee Less

Photo

View on Facebook
· Share

Share on Facebook Share on Twitter Share on Linked In Share by Email

Writer: Cutter Slagle

1 month ago

Writer: Cutter Slagle
“There are so many questions that have no answers. Acceptance of these mysteries is the only way to peace.” —Lisa Unger, The Stranger Inside ... See MoreSee Less

Photo

View on Facebook
· Share

Share on Facebook Share on Twitter Share on Linked In Share by Email

Writer: Cutter Slagle

2 months ago

Writer: Cutter Slagle
There was a turning pointwhen I felt freeto be myselfand not just exist in survival mode—Liberation—when I realized I was my own worst critic,I decided to shed the paralyzing shyness that I was imprisoned by—Realizing that life is happening withor without me. A mindset: If others can be it,So can I. To the young girls and boys out there who are painting their own lives, “Winging it,”You’re not crazy. You’re brave like me. Independent thinking and Disobedienceare important—And,you are going to be okay. I wish someone told me that. And if they did, I wish I believed them. I became a warrior, A destroyerof old beliefs, Slaying dragons. I embraced the illuminating thought: I am “good enough.”I am powerful—Oh am I . . . —Love, PamelaPamela Anderson ... See MoreSee Less

Photo

View on Facebook
· Share

Share on Facebook Share on Twitter Share on Linked In Share by Email

Writer: Cutter Slagle

2 months ago

Writer: Cutter Slagle
I wondered then and wonder now: When you’re dating someone, how much influence should that person’s friends and family have on the relationship? Are you actually dating that person’s friends and family, too? Or is the relationship only between the two people in the relationship, and should everyone else simply fuck off?Let’s say it together: boundaries.#TheMaleCarrieBradshaw #NewBlogAlert #Blogging ... See MoreSee Less

Teach Me How to Boundary

cutterslagle.com

Do you have trouble setting boundaries with people? You're not alone. However, in order to have healthy, fulfilling relationships, boundaries are essential.
View on Facebook
· Share

Share on Facebook Share on Twitter Share on Linked In Share by Email

Writer: Cutter Slagle

2 months ago

Writer: Cutter Slagle
Don't miss my February column in The Rage Monthly Magazine — Out now! #TheMaleCarrieBradshaw "Hope is essential, but it’s not enough. To just simply hope will almost always end in disappointment, and probably pretty quickly. In order for hope to work—truly work—we’ve got to work, and the work isn’t always easy. On the contrary, it can be fucking hard. Hope can only take us so far, then it’s up to us and the work we’ve done to finish the job." ... See MoreSee Less

RAGE MONTHLY MAGAZINE

heyzine.com

Valentine's Day Queer-ish Gift Guide, Mean Girls the Musical, Gay Romantic OF AN AGE, Jeremy McQueen Black Iris Project
View on Facebook
· Share

Share on Facebook Share on Twitter Share on Linked In Share by Email

Popular Posts

Sex Sells . . . Your Self-Respect

Putting The Cock In Cocky

What Are You Addicted To?

© Copyright 2019 Cutter Slagle · All Rights Reserved · Powered by WordPress · Admin

Copyright © 2023 · Simply Pro on Genesis Framework · WordPress · Log in